


Mr. Lonely

by vulgarvarsity



Category: BROCKHAMPTON (Band)
Genre: A Suburban Love Story, Angst, Coming Out, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, High School AU, Humor, I'll add more later lol - Freeform, Listen it's soft I'm soft deal with it, M/M, Skateparks, Slurs, Suggestive, Swearing, but nothing explicit omg, slowburn, theyre young adults of course theyre flirty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-07-31 18:26:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20119633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulgarvarsity/pseuds/vulgarvarsity
Summary: a·lone/əˈlōn/adjectivehaving no one else present.After being welcomed back to school as the sudden new gay target, Ian decided it was time to shut up, keep his eyes low, and be alone. It was like after that day, he knew he had to go on mental lockdown. No one gets in, and no feelings get out.Ian thought that it all marked the beginning of the end, but little did he know a certain blonde boy would mark this as the beginning of something completely new.





	1. The Loneliest of Them All

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this is legit the first time I've ever posted fanfiction before. I've always been too nervous to write anything and post it, but after seeing how little there is for such a big fandom (and such a cute pairing) I think it was about time I hit the scene. So hi! I'm Sunny, your local gay writer boy, writing about these soft ass gay scenarios and all that. Enjoy!

a·lone  
/əˈlōn/

adjective  
having no one else present.

A month, although short in comparison to a year, feels like a decade in comparison to a second. Or, in Ian’s case, it felt like forever since he last felt secure. Although a month may just be a portion of the school year, the month it all happened voided any and all time before it. Ian Simpson felt like time ended that January, both losing his safety net and his best friend at once.  
That January, after his winter break from classes, Ian walked the halls of his school with suddenly everyone’s attention on him. It wouldn’t take him long to figure out why, since everyone’s new favorite nickname for him became “faggot.” It became increasingly more obvious why all of it was happening when he tried seeking refuge in his best friend, Matt Champion, only to find a sad pair of eyes and the words “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry” mumbled at him over and over again.  
After being welcomed back to school as the sudden new gay target, Ian decided it was time to shut up, keep his eyes low, and be alone. It was like after that day, he knew he had to go on mental lockdown. No one gets in, and no feelings get out.

Ian sat quietly in the back of the room, brushing his pen against the lined paper, mindlessly doodling as the math teacher rambled on about calculus or some shit.  
A month, he thought. It’s seriously only been a month. How the hell am I gonna get through the next five without running away or some shit. The thoughts were heavy, almost as if they were physically weighing on him. His eyes sleepily blinked, resting his tired head on his left hand as he continued to sketch with his right.  
“Mr. Simpson!” Ian was yanked out of his mindless state as his eyes met the disapproving pair looking back at him.  
“Yes, Mr. Ruchi?” Ian mumbled out, a hand covering his noteless, doodle-covered paper.  
“Would you mind summarizing to the class what we learned this period?” Mr. Ruchi stared daggers into Ian, waiting for a reply. Everyone turned to look behind them at the boy, a few muffling their childish giggles.  
“I dunno, sir. Something ‘bout calculus I’d assume?” His face grew hot as the class erupted into laughter, a few jocks muttering out something along the lines of ‘dumbass faggot.’ The teacher let out a frustrated sigh.  
“Meet me after class.” He bellowed sternly, turning around to walk back to the front of the class. He resumed the lecture, Ian feeling himself sink deeper into his chair as the jocks glared at him. Ian took his attention off the jocks for a split second to see a familiar face with his head still turned. Matt and Ian’s eyes connected briefly before the boy further in front turned back around, acting as if nothing happened. Ian frowned, his eyes finally drifting back down to his paper.

“You can’t keep doing this, Ian. At this rate, I don’t see you passing the final for my class.” Mr. Ruchi lectured, one hand rubbing his temple as the other graded papers.  
“I’m sorry sir, I just-” Ian cut himself off, not even knowing what type of excuse to conjure up for his poor attention span.  
“I know you’ve been through a lot in the past month, Ian.” Ian swallowed hard, knowing where this was going. “But it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to help yourself at all in this situation. You gotta seek out change if you want to make things better. Have you tried going to a therapist?”  
Ian drew a scowl as he picked up his backpack. With the mother he had and the money he lacked, Ian knew the answer to that question.  
“It’s been nice talking to you sir, but I have to go home.” Ian walked out the classroom before the teacher could even utter an objection.  
Quickly slamming into the front door with his back, Ian jogged over to the bike rack. He felt lucky that he at least didn’t have a popped tire or a missing chain as he fiddled with the bike lock. Usually after school he’d be met with a vandalized bike, or a group of boys hanging around it waiting for him. Guess he had Mr. Ruchi to thank for the latter not being around.  
He was ready to ride his bike straight into traffic at this point, swerving on the edge of the road. Something on his mind made it hard to focus on what was in front of him, the phrase ‘you gotta seek out change if you want to make things better’ replaying in his head. Looking up to see the noon sun begin to hang lower and lower in the sky, Ian finally knew what he had to do.

***

“Dude, check out this shit I’ve been learning to do.” Ian watched intently, smiling as Matt attempted a casper flip. Matt skated towards him, flipping his board, only to fumble his feet and land straight on his ass. Ian let out a loud laugh, hopping up from where he was seated to go help him up. When he caught his balance, Matt let out a loud ‘Fuck!’ before kicking his skateboard to the side.  
“That was part of the trick.” Matt said, shrugging his shoulders as he leaned against the nearby rail. Ian just picked up the skateboard, handing it back to Matt.  
“I’m sure it was.” Ian giggled out. Matt just rolled his eyes, smirking a bit as he put the skateboard back down.  
“I got it down yesterday, I just need to warm up a bit more.” Matt said as he kicked off the board again.  
“Matt you’ve been warming up for two hours, bro I-” Ian shouted, laughing as he just shook his head and let him do his thing. He walked back to where he was sitting prior, lowering himself back down until he heard Matt talking to someone. Ian turned his head to see a group of boys enter the skatepark. He recognized a few of them from their school, a few others not registering as familiar. Something about the group intimidated Ian, made him nervous as they all got closer to where he was. Matt gestured towards Ian, the group of boys all looking towards him.  
“Y’all have met Ian before, right?” Matt said, a few of them replying with a polite ‘yeah man.’ Ian waved awkwardly, taken aback by the amount of boys around him. His eyes were drawn to a tall boy, standing a bit to the back of the group. He stood around, looking like he was half listening to everything. Something about his hair made Ian want to pet it, which sounded weird in his head, but it felt so right as he saw it wave in the wind. It was bleach blonde, almost white in the light. The tall boy let his hand brush through his hair, combing through it as if answering one of Ian’s mental questions. God, it’s definitely fluffy, Ian thought, it’s like he’s mocking me, feeling up his hair like that.  
“I was actually about to show Ian this trick I learned yesterday before y’all got here. I’ll just have to show all the kickass casper flip I can do.” Matt got on his board, a few of the others doing the same as they objected, saying they could get it down way cleaner. Ian kept his gaze close to the blonde kid, watching him smile as he let the others show off. Ian saw the boy turn his gaze towards him, which made Ian quickly look away.  
Ian felt hot, almost even sweaty. He looked at his feet, feeling his stomach flutter. It scared Ian a bit, making him nervous and clammy. He stood up abruptly from his spot, turning to see Matt excitedly show off his tricks.  
“Uh, hey Matt, I’m gonna head out now. I gotta work on that Lang project otherwise my mom might actually beat my ass.” Matt stopped for a second, seeing the nervousness in Ian’s eyes as he turned to leave. Matt frowned a bit, before yelling back.  
“I’ll catch you later, Ian!”


	2. You Should Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian attempts to seek out Matt, possibly to talk over their issues and repair their friendship. But, things don't go according to plan as Ian instead runs into some other familiar head of hair.

Ian could remember it clearly, the way he sat on the swing he once played on as a kid, letting his legs drag back and forth on the dusty ground. He watched his shoes make dents in the sand, letting the ambience of the outdoors soothe him. His ears perked up as he heard the swing next to him jingle, turning to see Matt. They both didn’t make eye contact with one another, staying silent for a second before Matt spoke up.  
“You’ve been acting weird lately,” Matt spoke, his fingers poking into the chains on the swing, “like, you’ve been avoiding the skatepark, making up bullshit excuses as to why you don’t wanna go. And like, I don’t want to pry or make you upset or anything, it just feels like you’ve been holding something in. Like you really wanna say something that you just can’t let out.”  
Ian kept his gaze down, switching between looking at Matt’s legs and his own. It felt like he was holding his breath, like something was caught in his throat and he couldn’t manage to dislodge it.  
“I don’t want you to think any differently of me.” Ian said quietly, turning his head away.  
“Come on, Ian. You’ve been my best friend since legit kindergarten! I’ve watched you change for years and I still don’t think of you differently. You are like,” Matt exhaled, looking up at Ian, “like family to me. You’re like my brother, man.”  
Ian was quiet. He looked up at the sky, then back down to his feet before finally drawing his gaze towards Matt’s. The two looked at each other for a second before Ian finally let the words slip through his lips.  
“I’m gay.”

***

It had been awhile since the day Ian came out to Matt. Being gay sure as hell wasn’t the reason as to why he’d been avoiding him, but the way Matt looked at him the day the school found out his secret, the sheer amount of guilt that hung in his eyes left a pit in Ian’s stomach. Matt was the only person who knew his secret, so Ian had to piece the rest together.  
Ian parked his bike, hiding it in the nearby bushes before walking into the skatepark. Ian felt like texting Matt wasn’t gonna help either of them out, so the next best thing he could do was find him. Matt basically lived at the skatepark, so it was a shock to Ian when he didn’t see his presence anywhere around. The place was unusually quiet for a sunny Thursday afternoon, the few skaters that were there not paying much mind to one another. Before Ian could walk any further into the park, his eyes caught something familiar, something that paralyzed him.  
He felt his palms begin to sweat, the bleach blonde hair blowing in the wind as the tall boy skated up and down the half pipe. Ian couldn’t move, something about seeing the boy so isolated made it hard for him to think. Something about it all struck a chord with Ian as he watched the boy go through the motions.  
The name was on the tip of his tongue, picking out the details of the boy as he slowly observed him. He had a bright orange beanie covering his fluffy blonde hair, strands of it fluttering around as he skated. He wore a navy sweater with some inconspicuous college printed in bold letters on the front. His jeans were cuffed up, showing his black socks and a dirty pair of white vans. It was something about the way he pursed his lips, and the way his eyelids hung low enough to make him look tired. The way the setting sun hit the skatepark just right made the boy look almost ethereal as he watched him attempt to grind the nearby rail.

Ian blinked, watching as the boy completely busted his ass attempting the trick, ripping him out of his daydream. 

Snapping back to reality, Ian let out a small ‘oh shit!’ as he jogged over to the boy.  
“Ah, fuck…” The boy muttered, hand searching around for the beanie that fell off his head. He grabbed it, looking up to see a dark hand gestured out towards him.  
“Are you okay man?” Ian said in a worried tone, helping the blonde up from the ground. The boy smiled, dusting himself off a bit.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just didn’t quite stick the landing… You didn’t see that, right?” He said lightheartedly, a bit embarrassed as he scratched the back of his neck.  
“All I saw was you nearly cracking your head open,” The tall boy giggled a bit, “seriously, I thought you was dead or some shit for a second there.”  
“Don’t worry, I do that a lot.” He said, tilting his head. Ian smirked a bit, letting out a small laugh. The tall boy felt his face grow red.  
“Not- not because I’m bad or anything! Injuries just happen to skaters, y’know. Like, the ins and outs of learning.” He sputtered out, nervously laughing as he picked up his board.  
“Hey, wait,” The boy smiled a bit, a sense of realization coming over him, “you’re Matt’s friend, right? Ian, was it?” Ian let his face go blank for a second before answering.  
“Yeah, yeah. I uh, I actually came here looking for him.”  
“Really? That’s weird.” Ian furrowed his brow at this response. Weird?  
“What do you mean weird?”  
“Well like, I haven’t seen him around at the park for weeks now. I’m pretty sure nobody’s seen him skate for awhile because of what happened.” This just made Ian more confused, and a little worried at that.  
“I’m just gonna be blunt for a second and just say I haven’t seen Matt or even talked to him for like, a month now, and I had no idea something happened to him.” This gave the tall boy a look of surprise.  
“Huh? From what I’ve heard, you guys were like, bread and butter. Did he seriously not tell you he and his girlfriend broke up? Apparently she tried to blackmail him or some shit, it was kinda crazy from what I’ve heard.” Ian’s eyes grew wide, his brain trying to put this new puzzle piece in place. Ian didn’t say anything, the other boy raising his eyebrows as the silence continued. Ian finally rubbed his temple, sitting on the ground as he tried to think.  
“Whoa, hey, are you alright bud?” The tall boy said, lowering himself to the ground to meet with the other. He could tell Ian was frustrated, possibly overthinking what he had been told. Ian crossed his arms, resting his head against them.  
“I just don’t even know, man. A month ago I felt like I literally fucking died because I thought my best friend outted me to the whole school, and now with this whole new scenario added to the mix, it- it makes me think I should’ve just talked to him about it insteading of distancing myself and-” Ian’s head shot straight up, his hands going to cover his mouth.  
“Shit!” Ian buried his head back in his arms, muffling a yell as he curled further into a ball. Everything felt wrong, he didn’t even know where he was or what was happening or who the mystery boy was standing in front of him listening to him rant about his life.  
“Hey.” The boy said warmly. Ian didn’t pick up his head.  
“Hey, I…” The boy put a hand on Ian’s shoulder. It was hot to the touch, almost sending a shock through Ian as he lifted his head up to look at him. Ian’s heart almost stopped right that second, looking at the boy’s hazel eyes and pink dusted cheeks. He felt his pulse pick up speed as the boy continued to talk.  
“I’m Nick, and I uh…” He nervously shifted his eyes, as if his brain was carefully picking out his next words.  
“I just want to tell you that things are going to be okay, and I wish I could explain this better but like, I know how you are feeling right now and-” His words caught in his throat as he stuttered a bit.  
“I think we should go grab a bite to eat. Food’ll help clear your mind.”  
Ian blinked, taking a moment to process everything before his lips curled up into a small smile. He nodded, allowing the other boy to take his hand to help him up. Their fingers lingered a bit before Nick bent down to grab his skateboard. He jogged lightly towards the gate, gesturing Ian to follow him.  
“C’mon! I know the perfect place to go.” Ian smiled, quickly following behind.


	3. I Hate Eatin' Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian's never had thai food before. Nick's vegan ass is gonna change that shit.

Ian flumped down onto the seat of the booth, watching Nick as he sat opposite of him. The waitress politely handed them both their menus before scooting off to grab them waters. Ian looked at the menu, a bit puzzled as he read over the options. He’d never had thai food before, but Nick insisted that it was worth trying. Ian flipped through the laminated pages before looking up again. He took a second to take in his surroundings, feeling already relaxed as he surveyed the quaint little restaurant.  
The building was small, tucked away quietly into a plaza. The booths were snug in the back, a narrow walkway in between them and the bar that sat across. The lighting was dim, but warm, while some shitty pop station played muffled from where the hostess stood. Overall, the ambience did actually help calm his nerves a bit. He turned his eyes back to Nick, who he caught looking at him.  
“Ah-” He stammered out, “do- do you like it?” The way he phrased it made him sound like he owned the place, which made Ian smile.  
“Yes, even though I’ve never actually had thai before.” Ian mumbled, tracing his index finger against the words on the menu. “I just don’t have any money to buy anything, either.” Ian frowned, feeling a weird sense of guilt.  
“Wha- dude who said you had to pay?” Nick said, nervously tapping the table. Ian looked up, eyebrows furrowed.  
“Hey, I don’t want you to have to pay for some stranger,” Ian uttered, closing his menu, “I’m not worth the spending anyways, man.” Nick pursed his lips, almost looking deep in thought.  
“How about,” Nick flipped his menu around so it faced Ian, “we share this? It’s what I usually get but the portion is enough for the two of us. That way, you won’t feel guilty about me getting you something, alright?” Ian blinked, looking at the picture on the menu and then back at Nick. He seemed to be really trying to cheer Ian up, just by the look on his face. Trying not to stare back for too long, Ian finally closed his eyes and nodded his head. Admittedly, he was very hungry, feeling his stomach growl violently.  
Nick’s eyes scrunched up as his smile grew. He seemed weirdly excited as Ian watched him recite his order to the waitress. Nick turned his gaze back to him, resting the palms of his hands against his face.  
“So,” Nick began, “you’re that music kid from the Woodlands, righ?” Ian’s eyes grew in surprise at the random mention of him. Wait, how does he know that?  
“Yeah, I uh, I’ve been trying to become a rapper since I was in middle school. How did you…?”  
“Do you not remember?” Nick spoke, eyes almost puppy like as he said it. It took Ian a moment, but after another glance at Nick, he finally knew what he meant.  
“Fuck dude- you went to the Woodlands too, didn’t you?” Ian said in shock, slowly piecing together loose memories he had of his earlier high school days. Nick pressed his face into his hand a bit.  
“Ye-up. Probably don’t recognize me because I barely talked. And, er, I used to be a brunette.” Things slowly started to click as Ian remembered more and more. Tall, brunette kid, wore sweaters and button ups, got yelled at in gym class for not wearing the right shoes, would lay his head on the desk in the morning during class, hiding his face. Matt talked to him a lot, but most the time Ian just scurried away to the library to eat lunch, never really mingling with Matt’s other friends. Then, Ian remembered the last crucial piece of information.  
“Didn’t you drop out last year?” Ian stammered out quietly, lowering his voice as if to whisper it. Nick slowly blinked at Ian as he nodded in response. Ian raised his eyebrows, as if to unspokenly ask why.  
“People thought I dropped out because I was some flunky dumbass. I didn’t do amazing in my classes, sure, but nothing to warrant me to drop out.” His finger traced the edge of the glass that sat in front of him.  
“Truth be told, it was mainly the way I was treated. Assholes frequently barraged me for wearing different clothes, and teachers would frown at my decision for wanting to become a designer. It’s kind of bullshit that we’re constantly told to follow our dreams only to have higher-ups stomp on it, saying it won’t be ‘substantial’ in the future.” Nick frowned for a second, but smiled a bit as looked at Ian, who looked back with full attention. Ian grew warm, trying to figure out what to say.  
“I understand what you mean, man. Truth be told, I’ve been wanting to drop out ever since this new semester started. I know that I should just keep going and get through graduation, but like…” He looked down at his hands, turning over his palms as he just shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno.”  
“I say just finish strong.” Nick encouraged, making Ian elicit a frustrated groan as he put his arms behind his back.  
“But like, people have seriously been on my fuckin’ ass recently. Teachers want me to do well in classes where prick ass students spend their time tormenting me in different ways. All the while my best friend sits alone pretending like nothing is even happening.” For a moment, it was silent. Ian kept his gaze off of Nick, who didn’t say a word. Ian sighed, looking at him only to see an unexpectedly sad pair of eyes.  
“I’m sorry, I don’t want it to sound like I’m looking for pity or anything, I-” Ian was cut off abruptly when the waitress returned to the table with their food. The two of them thanked her as she told them to enjoy, walking back into the kitchen. Ian looked at the food, astonished at how good it actually looked. He let the prior moment dissipate as they both picked up their utensils to dig in. Ian poked at it, confused but enlightened by the weird assortment of vegetables, noodles, and peanuts. Nick was already thoroughly enjoying himself as Ian went to take his first bite.  
“What the fuck.” Nick looked up, hearing the sudden phrase uttered from Ian.  
“What’s wrong, do you not like it?” Nick frowned, almost sounding hurt.  
“No, no, dude. It’s just fucking good, like, what the actual fuck.” Ian laughed a bit, which in return made Nick smile and giggle as well.  
“Really? Oh, thank god. Not many of my friends like pad thai so like, god, you have no idea how happy that makes me.” Ian’s face felt hot, the happiness radiating off of Nick becoming contagious. The two silently ate for a moment before Nick spoke again.  
“Ian, I don’t pity you.” Ian looked up.   
“I just see a world of potential in you, like, you’ve got so much to do beyond high school. If you drop out, I totally understand why, but I really want to see you power through and show everyone how strong you are. Like, walk out those doors on graduation day, diploma in one hand, middle finger raised on the other.” Ian smiled a toothy smile, which he didn’t do often, but he couldn’t help it as he let out a warm chuckle. He had never heard anyone, not even Matt, say something so meaningful to him before.  
“And if you want, I’ll help you through it. I will be at your side whenever you need a helping hand or someone to talk to. Here,” Nick slid his phone across the table, opened to his contacts list, “if you want, we can even text to keep in contact.”   
Ian beamed, doing the same as he opened his phone, handing it to Nick. After swapping numbers, Ian snickered at Nick’s name. He put his contact in as “Nick Linguine” followed by a clown emoji. Nick laughed as well, turning his phone screen towards the other.  
“A cowboy emoji?” He questioned, smiling a bit as he did so.  
“Hey, country boys make do,” this made Nick shake with laughter, Ian giggling as well as he pointed to his own phone.   
“So, what, you a clown or somethin’?” Nick wiped his eyes, nodding excitedly.  
“I’m more or less the whole damn circus.” He chuckled out.  
“Cool, then I guess I’ll just change your name to the circus emoji.” Ian said, pretending to type in a new name.  
“What? There’s a fucking circus emoji now?”  
“Oh my GOD boy you really are a fuckin’ clown.” Ian mumbled, placing his phone back down on the table.


	4. Boredom Got a New Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the simplest things are the most important. But even those simple moments can be clouded by the seeds of doubt.

Matt Champion was the champion (pun definitely intended) at being a guilty moron. He was never the best at proper communication, and honestly, after everything that had happened a month prior, he wasn’t surprised that his best friend no longer wanted anything to do with him.

“Matt, why aren’t you being honest with me?” Maya’s face was screwed up into an intimidating glare, her voice sharp like a knife.  
“I am being honest with you, you’re just not fuckin’ believing me.” Matt retaliated, feeling his body sink deeper into the couch. He kept his eyes off the girl, knowing damn well if he looked at her now, he just might start crying.  
“So what? I’m just supposed to go and believe that you haven’t been fucking your best friend behind my back?” The sentence burned hotter every time she said it, which only made it harder for Matt not to break down.  
“What even gave you that idea? There’s literally no proof of that ever even fuckin’ happening.” He finally turned to look at her, only to be met with a menacing stare. He scowled.  
“Just because Ian’s gay does not mean we’re suddenly fuck buddies.” Maya grabbed Matt’s shoulder, sinking her well-manicured nails into his skin.  
“All you ever do is hang out with him. ‘Oh, sorry, me and Ian are doing something right now. Oh, my bad, I’m at the skatepark with Ian, sleeping over with Ian.’ You’re basically admitting to having his dick in your-” Matt stood up abruptly, cutting her off.  
“Get the fuck out of my house.” Matt bellowed, pointing at the door. The girl only let out a low laugh, gesturing a hand out.  
“So you’re admitting that you would prefer your secret little boyfriend over me, huh?” Matt tried so hard to keep his emotions in check, only slightly raising his voice as a means to make her leave.  
“Just get the fuck out, you rude ass, self entitled bitch!” Maya scoffed, turning her nose up as she grabbed her bag and strutted out, slamming the door behind her. Matt breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. He tried to relax himself, only making himself cry in the process. 

Lying in his bed a few hours later, Matt managed to keep himself level headed. He scrolled through his Instagram feed, only to stop on someone’s post.  
[Who wants to witch hunt a fag after break?] The caption read, some shitty far right meme as the photo. Matt’s stomach dropped, a sudden wave of nausea and lightheadedness coming over him. He clicked on the comments.  
[can’t believe some fruity ass boy has been living amongst us this whole time]  
[we gotta beat the gay out of his faggot ass!]  
[Hope that faggot Ian gets what he deserves.]  
Matt felt his heart pound against his ribcage, feeling the rise and fall of his chest begin to quicken. He frantically went over to Maya’s finsta page, only to find himself blocked.  
He tried looking through any of her friends’ pages, only to find he was blocked on nearly every single one. Finally, he received a text. Looking up to read the name, he expected to see Maya’s, instead, only to find someone else.

Romil: matt, are you seeing this shit?  
Romil: is what maya posting true?  
Matt: what is she posting, she blocked me. my feed is fucking nuts right now  
Romil: dude she’s posting about ian, calling him out for being gay or some shit  
Romil: why’d she block you, did you guys break up or somethin??  
Matt: i guess so, but why the fuck she talking about ian? did she say anything about me?  
Romil: no, nothing about you. legit only about ian, and people are believing her with literally no proof  
Romil: does ian know??  
Romil: matt  
Romil: is ian really gay?  
Romil: matt????

Matt looked at the screen, then towards his dresser. Atop it sat a framed photo of him and Ian. It was from the summer before 8th grade. Matt bought a shitty disposable camera for the fuck of it, using it all summer to capture the misadventures of the two. The picture itself was a pretty good one he managed to take of the two of them while they explored an abandoned building in the woods. He vividly remembered the Texas heat beating down on them as they searched for a cool, shady place to sit. He remembered all the rubble and broken glass. He remembered how Ian complained about getting tetanus or some shit. He didn’t want it to all be for nothing. He didn’t want to lose Ian, or for people to hurt him, or for the two to never talk again.  
He wanted to text Ian. He wanted to call Ian, see Ian, warn Ian of the shit storm he brewed. But he was scared. He was scared that Ian would blame him for this happening, for taking away his own ability to come out to others. A knot of guilt grew in his chest, tightening harder until Matt ended up making himself sick.  
All he could do was wait, and maybe, just maybe, he and Ian could talk it out and clear things up.

***

Ian slinked into the stairwell after the lunch bell rang, hoping to not run into anybody during his mission. He crept down the silent well, stepping cautiously as he approached the back door that led into the courtyard. People usually ate in the courtyard when it was warmer, but this February turned out to be a particularly chilly one. As he crept out the building, he could see the familiar bright haired boy leaning against his car. The other hadn’t seen Ian yet, which gave him the chance to admire the other from a safe distance.  
The way he postured himself as he waited gave off a cool ambience. He had a white hoodie on, a large bomber jacket on top of that. His face was blotched with pink from the cold air that blew on his face. Ian didn’t want to make him wait in the cold any longer, so he jogged down the courtyard, into the parking lot, and slid himself right next to Nick.  
Nick grinned, sticking his hands into his pockets.  
“There you are, I was worried you weren’t gonna come.” He pouted, opening the car door and gesturing for Ian to join him.  
“Get in, I got the heat on. It’s fuckin’ freezing out here.” He slid himself in, closing the door behind him once Ian got in on the passenger side. Ian rubbed his hands, warming himself up.  
“Jesus, who knew it could get this cold in the south.” Ian shivered, putting his hands up against the vents.  
“You’re tellin’ me man.” Nick turned the key, allowing the car to fully start up.  
“Any idea where you wanna eat?” Nick chimed, turning the dial to find a good radio station.  
“Hmmmmmm…” Ian thought, drawing out the sound as he tried to decide. Finally, he answered in a squeaky mock-tone.  
“Take me to Starbucks.” He crossed his arms, looking sure of his answer.  
“Haha, what? You gonna eat bakery goods and breakfast sandwiches for lunch?” Ian nodded in response, almost childlike.  
“Nuthin’ but kale juice and vegan pumpkin bread.” He mocked, a smirk curling on his face.  
“Oh well now you’re just mocking me, I don’t even think they sell kale juice at Starbucks.” Nick replied, finally pulling out of the parking spot.  
“Hah, course you would know, fuckin’ vegan.” Ian teased, watching as Nick put a hand on his chest as if to say ‘ow oof my heart.’  
After ordering their desired foodstuffs, the two sat in the car in the Starbucks parking lot, listening to some ‘Lil Wayne song on a rap station with crunchy reception.  
Nick hummed along as he tossed a couple almonds into his mouth. Ian enjoyed the quietness of their meal, but got increasingly anxious as he thought over the same scenario in his head. He needed to talk to Matt soon, he just couldn’t figure out the right words to say.  
“Something on your mind?” Nick spoke out, seeing the thought-filled expression scrunched up on Ian’s face.  
“I’m still thinking about Matt, it’s almost that kid’s birthday and we still haven’t talked it out. I feel awful, like maybe it really is my fault.” Nick shook his head at this, putting an arm on the middle console to lean over a bit.  
“Nothing’s your fault Ian. Just remember what we were texting about, like how it probably was a poor miscommunication between the two of you.”  
“But who outted me then, Nick? I feel like he was just sick of holdin’ in the fact that his best friend was gay so he just up ‘n decided to… tell everyone…” Something about the sentence didn’t sound right as he said it outloud. Like, in his head it sounded so terrible, like it was set in stone, but out loud it fizzled out, and started to make less and less sense. Ian heated up, feeling Nick take his left hand into his right.  
“Look, I know it seems impossible right now, like all the odds are against you. But I will always be here to tell you that things will turn out for the better, and that you can get through this. I really believe in you.” Nick gave him a deep look of encouragement, which made the butterflies in Ian’s stomach erupt in excitement. Ian couldn’t help but jump forward and wrap his arms around Nick, taking him into a tight hug. He didn’t cry, but he sniffled out a bit, giving him a small ‘thank you.’ Nick just smiled, hugging back in return.  
“Things are gonna get better.”


	5. Weightless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian's seen people skate plenty of times before, but actually doing it himself? Don't know about that one.

The air was bitter and chilly, the fluorescent lamps that hung over the skatepark brightening it up with a stale, yellow light. The sky was near pitch black, a few dim stars sprinkled throughout the abyss. That friday night had been particularly cold, but that didn’t stop the two boys from excitedly jumping the fence. The midnight adventure was fueled entirely by Starbucks coffee and not-so-secret pining.  
Amidst the silent night, the low giggles and cursing of the two boys echoed out from the dimly lit skatepark.

“I don’t know man, I feel like I’m gonna break my arm or some shit doing this.” Ian said, hesitantly looking down. At his feet was a skateboard, something he’d seen plenty of times before. But this time, he was being coerced to actually step on it, and actually skate on it.  
“Dude, you’re not gonna break an arm.” Ian looked back up to face Nick, who gave Ian a confident smile. Asshole, Ian thought, if he wasn’t so damn cute I wouldn’t be doing this. Ian just sighed, nodding his head.  
“If I bust my ass, you can be the one to explain to my mom why I gotta get stitches.” Ian said, preparing himself for his first attempt. Nick just chuckled softly in return.  
“If you fall, I’ll catch you, don’t worry.” Nick reassured, holding his arms out as he said so. Ian smiled faintly before taking a deep breathe. First, he took a step onto the board with his right foot. The board wobbled slightly, but with enough weight he was able to steady it. Ian let his right foot keep balance as he finally lifted his left foot up. The board swayed violently below him, making him panic. Nick quickly grabbed Ian at his sides, holding him still as his left foot planted on the board.  
“You’re okay! You’re okay, just don’t panic, and keep yourself steady.” Ian felt himself heat up as the other boy held him firmly. His heart beat hard against his chest, making it difficult to balance his shaky body. He slowed his breathing, trying to calm himself as he balanced his weight on the board. Finally, he was able to stand. Nick laughed.  
“There you go! I’m gonna let go of you now, that way you can get used to the feeling of standing on it on your own.” Nick slowly backed away, allowing Ian to freely stand. Ian smiled, feeling proud of this literal step forward. But before long, Ian’s smile slanted a bit.  
“How do I actually like, move on this without dying.” He said nervously, still trying to keep himself steady. Nick walked closer, mimicking Ian’s stance in order to explain.  
“What you wanna do now is switch your stance so that your left foot is on the top part of the board while your other pushes off. Once you actually get rolling, you can switch your stance back to how it is now.” Ian looked at him with a puzzled expression. It was like the guy was speaking mathematics to him. After a little internal pep talk, Ian finally took his first shot at actual skating. He turned his left foot so it was facing forward, allowing the right to lift. He planted it on the ground, giving himself a light push. He didn’t move forward a whole lot, but it was enough to make Nick cheer happily.  
“That’s it! See, that wasn’t so hard!” Ian continued to do small pushes before finally giving himself a more solid push forward. He laughed in triumph. Nick walked back towards Ian, praising him as he did so.   
“Fuck yeah, now I can do kickflips and ollies and grinds like they do in the shitty Tony Hawk games.” Ian said, jumping a bit from the board in order to mimic a pro-skater. Nick just smiled, making Ian do so in return.  
It should’ve been cold as hell, but everything about the moment made Ian warm to the core. Ian could tell skating meant a lot to Nick by how happy he seemed from just teaching him. He looked at the smiling boy as he walked closer, eyes glancing from his soft lips to his rosey cheeks. Catching himself stare, Ian became flustered, in turn making him panic suddenly. The board wobbled as he lost his balance, suddenly feeling himself crash down as the object from below his feet flew out from under him.  
“Shit!” Nick blurted out as he shot himself forward to catch Ian.

The board came to a halt, the sound of it clunking against the wall being followed by nothing but buzzing street lamps and heavy breathing.  
Ian tried to catch his breath, inhaling and exhaling as fast as he could, keeping his eyes tightly shut. He could feel it, the warmth of another body against his own. His face was buried against the chest of the other, the soft smell of cheap cologne tickling his nose. The arms around him held him close, as if to protect Ian from any further harm. Ian finally opened his eyes, adjusting as to look at the other boy.  
Nick looked down at Ian, a soft expression on his face as he consoled the other.  
“It’s okay, I told you I would catch you, didn’t I?” Ian smiled in reply, giggling a bit as he did so. The two continued to stand like that, the tips of their shoes meeting one another. Nick didn’t let go, but Ian didn’t mind at all. He wished he could have stayed like that forever. The two couldn’t even notice the cold air surrounding them, for the warmth between them felt like home.  
Their eyes connected for a second before both trailing off lower. Ian couldn’t help but notice the way Nick softly parted his lips as he looked down. As if in the heat of the moment, the two both decided to close the space between them.  
Ian, for the longest time, felt like he was holding his breath, both metaphorically and physically. Everything always felt so nerve wracking, so anxiety inducing, like every moment led to some disaster. But, for the first time in forever, Ian felt nothing but comfort. Nick’s lips were inviting, and just as soft as he fantasized about. Everything around him felt so weightless.  
The two drew away from one another, giving one another a look before bursting out into laughter. Ian hid his face into the other’s shoulder, continuing to laugh as he did so.  
“God, I’m so embarrassed right now.” Ian said, muffled by the hood of Nick’s hoodie. Nick hummed in return, softly petting the back of Ian’s head.  
“Embarrassed? How so?” Nick questioned, warranting Ian to lift his head back up.  
“I dunno, I just have thought about this so often recently and like, it’s actually happening.” Ian felt his face grow hot as Nick chuckled in reply. “God, fuck, sorry that was so gay of me to s-”  
Ian was cut off as Nick planted a quick peck on his lips. The playful gesture left Ian speechless.  
“Ian, you’re fine, you’re more than fine. You have no idea how happy I am right now, like…” Nick trailed off, looking off as if he was reminiscing, “like, I finally don’t feel so alone. I’m so happy that you are here, right now, sharing this moment with me.” Ian blinked, grinning as he put a hand on Nick’s cheek.  
“Nick.” Ian said, near wordlessly. Nick pushed his face into Ian’s hand, humming softly in return.  
“That was even gayer than what I said.” Nick just let out a snort, pushing Ian lightly.  
“Ian, we were having a moment!” He said, mockingly upset as he crossed his arms.  
“A gay ass moment, that’s for sure!”


	6. Close, But No Cigar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian always fantasized about making out under the bleachers. He always wanted it to be with some jock after a football game, but a lanky drop out will make do.

Ian: nick are you at work  
Nick: yeah, why what’s up?  
Ian: i dont wanna bother you but im kind of a wreck rn  
Nick: what happened???  
Ian: i got pushed down the stairs  
Ian: ive been hiding under the bleachers since then, had to skip class  
Ian: i fucking hate this school

Ian rubbed his eye with his sweater, sniffling as he leaned against the beam behind him. He used to remember chilling under the bleachers with Matt during lunch breaks, both of them away from the world so they could smoke and talk in peace. Ian didn’t enjoy smoking himself, but he knew the bleachers was the only place Matt could do it without getting in trouble. He was already emotional as is, so bringing up the past only made him choke up more. Slowly, he began to slump down the beam, bringing his legs up to his chest, hugging them close to himself. The warm tears quickly turned cold on his skin, the cool air making Ian shiver.  
He looked back down at his phone, seeing the three dots indicating Nick was typing. The message blipped up on his screen soon after.

Nick: told my boss i have a family emergency  
Nick: ill be there soon pls stay safe

Ian felt himself warm up a bit, happiness cutting through the pain as he excitedly waited for the other boy. He frowned suddenly when he felt a pain shoot through his body, a hand bolting down to his lower back. He rubbed the sore spot, cursing the group of boys who decided it would be funny to ‘see if a fag could fly’. He sighed, letting his head fall back to rest against the cold beam.  
It wasn’t long before Ian could see the tall boy in the distance, a bright beanie covering his hair matched with a large jean jacket, hands deep in his pockets as he made his way over. Ian looked up, meeting the other’s gaze as he sauntered up to him.  
“Hi, bud. Is everything okay?” Ian sniffled a bit, wiping his face with his sleeve as he let out a timid ‘yeah’. Nick kneeled down, propping himself up against the beam as well. The two had no distance between one another, their bodies pressed against each other as they shared in their collective warmth.  
“Are you hurt? Like, you don’t think you broke anything right?” Nick asked, concern clear in his voice. Ian nodded silently, arms still hugging his legs up against him. Nick frowned, and sighed.  
“I wish I could stop them myself, like, I wish I could make all your problems disappear.” Nick looked at Ian, who kept his gaze forward. Ian appeared so broken, his eyes showing nothing but a dead stare. Nick turned his eyes forward, tilting his head side to side.  
“Hey, can I tell you something?” Nick said, getting Ian to perk up a bit to listen. Nick smiled, leaning his head back against the beam.  
“I remember, it was just some hot afternoon, and I was invited to go to the skatepark with a bunch of friends. Nothing out of the norm. But, it was the moment we got there that something felt different. Like, the energy there felt excited, almost electric. I could see you and Matt across the way as we walked into the skatepark. I could hear your laugh, and I could see your smile, and something about it made me feel something. I didn’t really understand what it was until you left, and suddenly I felt really lonely. Like, I was in a group of people, and suddenly I felt like no one was around. Something about you, it like, made me want to meet you.” Ian’s eyes were already glossy with tears, but this sent him over the edge. Tears streamed down his cheeks, his nose scrunching up. Nick turned to him, immediately changing his tone.  
“Oh, no no no don’t cry! It’s okay, hey-” Nick’s hand reached for Ian’s face, his palm pressed against his cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears. Nick softly shushed the other boy, consoling and cooing in order to soothe him.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Ian shook his head, his lips slightly curling.  
“No, no, seriously, it's fine. I know exactly what you mean, feeling lonely when you aren’t actually alone, having that urge to find that someone. I just, I didn’t expect anyone to ever feel that way about me. I...” Ian trailed off, placing his hand on top of Nick’s, which made him remove it from Ian’s face. The two allowed their hands to lace together, the embrace making the energy around them relax.  
“I’ve never met someone like you, Ian. All I want to do now is do everything with you, shit, some days I just want to sit around and do nothing with you. I just love being around you, like, your presence makes me feel like everything is gonna be okay.” Nick’s eyes nervously darted around, making Ian chuckle, his own gaze going to their hands.  
Ian unlocked their hands, which at first made Nick confused until he felt Ian’s hands cup the sides of his face. Nick’s breath hitched as he felt Ian’s lips against his own. Nick’s eyes fluttered shut, his hands instinctively resting on the other’s knees. The kiss slowly burned deeper as tongues started to glide past one another. Ian threw his arms around Nick’s neck, the other’s hands gliding up to grab Ian’s sides. While passionate, they still kept themselves comfortable, the air around them growing warmer. They stayed like that up until they both were out of breath. Breathing heavily, Ian grabbed the collar of Nick’s jacket, pulling him closer.  
“I think I can get by with skipping the rest of classes for today. Can we…” Their gaze met once again, Nick’s eyes beginning to drift back down to Ian’s mouth.  
“Get out of here?” Nick whispered back, reading Ian’s mind. Ian excitedly nodded, feeling the other help him up.  
“Couldn’t agree more,” he said, gesturing out his hand. “C’mon.”  
Ian’s smile curled ear to ear as he locked hands with the other, letting Nick lead him away. The two appeared to be in bliss, which to others appeared as a sin. 

The group of boys smoking by the gym locker room never even appeared in their peripheral vision, a low chuckle escaping a few of the boys. One of them took a long drag of his cigarette before flicking it to the ground.  
“Looks like the school fag found himself a little boyfriend.” He said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. They all laughed, their smiles curling up in mischief. 

***

Nick’s keys jingled in his hand as he unlocked the front door. He pulled it open, gesturing for Ian to go on in. Ian stepped one foot into the doorway, hesitant at first before finally forcing his whole self in. Nick had been over his house a few times already, but it hadn’t happened vice versa. The whole experience felt familiar, like it was equivalent to Nick teaching him how to skate. Best word he could describe it was intimate.

Ian took in his surroundings, the framed pictures of immortalized childhood memories and family gatherings, awkward school photos and ugly christmas pictures. Walking further in, Ian was met with the living room, which led into the kitchen. The place was small but it was cozy. Regardless, it didn’t need to be big because it appeared to get the job done. It was a home.  
“You have a sister?” Ian questioned, pointing at a wide shot family photo, a girl in a graduation gown being the center of attention.  
“Yeah, she’s my big sis. She moved out awhile back for college.” Nick perused through the fridge while talking. “At least one of us had the kahunas to pursue their dreams.” Nick mumbled the last part, as if not to bring attention to it.  
Ian hummed in response, continuing to piece together the puzzle pieces that were the family portraits. Everything seemed to fit into a comfortable normalcy, a feeling in which Ian had been searching out for years. He was pulled out from the stories of the pictures when Nick came back from the kitchen, a little container full of almonds in hand.

“My mom doesn’t come back ‘til like around 6. My dad works out of town so he only ever shows up around the weekends.” Nick informed, tossing an almond into his mouth. This, for some reason, left Ian with a fuzzy feeling.  
“So, what are you trying to say?” Ian said with a sort of fake confidence, his voice nearly cracking as his nerves tensed up. Nick just smiled, his grin in between warm and cunning.  
“Just means nobody’s gonna disturb us.” He said slyly, shooting a look at Ian that made him feel dizzy. Nick continued walking through the house, Ian timidly following behind as he was led through a cramped hallway. Down at the end of the hall was a door decorated with random sharpie graffiti, with the letters “K-C-I-N” drawn upside-down directly in the center. He flung the door open, tossing a couple of his belongings on the nearby dresser before throwing himself onto the bed in the center of the room. Ian stepped in, shutting the door behind him as he observed the lumpy mattress that splayed out in the middle of the room.  
“Sorry, parents took the only bed frame we had, so I’m stuck basically sleeping on the floor.” Nick murmured out, muffled by the comforter he snuggled his face into. Even if it was on the ground, it didn’t stop Nick from looking incredibly comfortable. Ian tossed his bag by the door, looking towards Nick to see him patting a spot next to him. Nick smiled into the comforter, watching as Ian sat down next to him near the edge of the mattress. He wormed his way towards Ian, propping himself up on his elbows. Ian fumbled with the laces on his shoes as he untied them, tossing them to the side.  
“Wanna play something? I got Melee.” Nick said, pointing to the GameCube that sat on the shelf below the dusty ass tube TV. Ian tilted his head down towards Nick, giving him a cheeky smile as he nodded.

Ian elbowed Nick, pushing him a bit as he mashed the colorful buttons on the controller. Nick pushed back, squeaking out a ‘cheater!’ as he made his character hop away on screen.  
“Come back here, dipass!” Ian shouted out, a couple low giggles following as he watched Pikachu fumble around Captain Falcon. Nick just let out a couple yells as he attempted to down-B his way out of the situation. Ian watched his character wind up, sending Pikachu off the screen with a single hit. Nick groaned in defeat, tossing the controller to the side as he laid back down on the bed.  
“I’m just rusty is all.” He pouted, trying to excuse his lack of Melee skills.  
“Nick, you’ve been saying that for the last like, 6 rounds.” Ian laughed, turning himself around to face the other. Nick propped himself back up, his back cushioned by a couple pillows. Ian swallowed shallowly, taking a moment to drink in the details of the moment.  
Nick wore a pouty face, his shirt untucked from his pants, bunched up to reveal a small bit of his naval. Ian opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Instead he just flustered himself further, making Nick smirk a bit. Ian watched as Nick gestured him to come closer, the butterflies in his stomach going absolute ape shit. Ian let himself crawl closer to the other, allowing Nick to prop his face up with his index finger under his chin, his thumb placed below his lip. Ian felt himself being drawn in closer, the motions leading him into Nick’s lap, his legs spreading on either side of him.  
“So, Ian,” The smaller boy swallowed hard at the mention of his name, feeling the heat in his face begin to rush lower. Nick leaned in closer, “since you’re so good at Smash, maybe you should put your skills to the test.”  
Ian, flustered in one instance, began to giggle, which in turn became loud laughter. Nick gave him a puzzled smirk, watching as the boy straddling him had to hold his stomach from laughing so hard.  
“Nick, did- did you seriously just try to entice me with a Smash Bros. pun?” Ian was losing it at this point, which contagiously caught on to Nick. The two were thrown into a fit of laughter, Ian flopping down next to Nick in the bed in pain.  
“Okay, maybe that wasn’t my best move, but I was doing good at first righ’?” Nick said, lacking enunciation on certain vowels as he continued to let out a few chuckles. Ian snickered, letting his right hand find comfort in the shape of Nick’s face, his left interlocking with Nick’s right.  
“Close, but no cigar. Not yet.” Ian said, finally taking a breath and calming down. Nick just let out a playful whine, letting his left arm wrap around Ian’s side.  
“You almost had me, but my back still fucking hurts from being vaulted down the stairs.” Ian said truthfully, watching Nick frown a bit. “Oh, and the awful Smash Bros. pun, of course.” This made Nick’s face light up again, making Ian feel warm and fuzzy.

The two stayed like that, happy in their perfect little Eden, taking in one another. Before long, they would fall asleep in one another’s presence, the only thing illuminating them being the moonlight from the drawn curtains and the LED lights flickering from the TV that was never turned off. In that moment, it was bliss, but with Ian’s phone in his bag lighting up violently with missed call after missed called, it wouldn’t be long until it was all shattered.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this isn't very good, im mainly making this for fun. i love the dynamic between nick and ian, and like, i know shipping people irl is a SIN according to the internet, but like, i aint shoving this down their throats, yknow? i just like being soft and writing out cute events. i just hope somebody out there enjoys reading this, but who knows


End file.
